I watched a rerun of Oprah a couple of weeks ago and there was some sort of therapist on the show. She was explaining how women get frustrated with their men because we feel like we have to baby them and men in turn are resentful towards women because of the constant nagging. So I am having this dilemma. I don't want Erik to resent me, but I NEED some help.
A friend told me about this book, "Behind every good man," by John Bytheway. I've been reading it and it has really changed my attitude. Some of the examples in the book describe me perfectly. I kind of take control of everything from where and when we eat to where we park. And I don't realize I'm being critical. Apparently asking a man to do something makes them feel inadequate and not appreciated? I'm only about half way through the book, but so far I've learned that I will get a happier husband and better results by praising him for all of the things I appreciate and hopefully he will respond by WANTING to help. Another tip is to be specific: so instead of leaving a to do list I need to say something like "I need your help at 6 for 30 minutes," so he knows when he'll be done.
THe number 1 thing is to put Christ first.
"We must stop doing things that offend the Spirit-criticizing, resenting, withholding forgiveness, focusing on faults. Letting things go will increase our spiritual power and make the Spirit more present in our marriage."
So I'm going to try these things and hopefully we'll both have better attitudes.
10 comments:
thank you for posting this. I just sat down for the first time today and it's 9:50 at night. I have been cleaning and running errands all day, and of course have tried to make Taylor feel bad because I'm so tired and have been working so hard and wished I had a little more help. I'm going to look into this book, thanks for the tip.
Sounds like a good one. I have the oppisite problem though. My husband is a work-a-holic and when he's up at 10:00 cleaning I feel inadequate cause I don't want to clean at 10:00 at night!!! I guess I should be grateful, but sometimes I just wish he would sit for ten minutes and watch a movie with me or something. Anything in the book about this???
hey skye, i read this book called The proper care and feeding of husbands. It was like one of the best books i have ever read. the lady is NOT lds, but is totally awesome and really helped me open my eyes! But its true, we have to figure out nice ways to ask our husbands for help! I had to learn that too. But you are doing all the right things so keep it up! sorry i hope i don't sound like i'm the perfect wife cause i'm not, i've just gone through some similar situations!
Thank you for the reminder. I haven't had help with the dishes in WAY too long and it's been pissing me off the past couple days. I need to go back to my ridiculous praise of any household work and just give him one night a week to do dishes I guess.
I feel the same way and do the same thing. I feel like all I do is nag and boss him around. I don't mean to. I need to get that book, sounds great. Thanks for sharing Skye.
I feel the same way sometimes. I don't have a job outside of being a mom so I feel like what I do everyday is overlooked. I think men do alot better when you are more specific about what you need or want instead of letting them guess. I will have to take a look at that book - sounds good. I am also a firm believer in date night - you have to take time for one another!
i do exactly the same thing...and I don't have kids yet. i just feel so busy sometimes and like all he does is play. he is good to help if i ask though. maybe i should read this book.
That is a great post, I think I might read that book. I really believe that if our husbands knew how much we wanted their help they would be willing to do it as well. I am similar to you Skye, I tend to just feel its my responsibility to get everything done, I don't want to bother him. Maybe I should go get that book today. : )
I really think every marriage deals with this problem. It is a hard one to solve and you are right- I think forgivness is a HUGE key. You should also read "The Peacegiver". It is also by an LDS author and it is on forgiveness. GOod luck with this, you are great for stepping up and working things out.
THanks for meeting us for swimming- it was fun!
Seriously, I think a lot of people feel the same way! I just recently read "The Secret" you should check it out! It doesnt say too much about husband/wives but it's just about you controlling your life and knowing you cant control others and "visualizing" how you want to be. It has really inspired me...I think everyone should read it! It was also featured on Oprah! I'm definately going to check out the book you are talking about! Sometimes I can't keep up with keeping the house clean and staying home all day, I get tired of cleaning and feel that Jake should help...after he's been working all day! Maybe it would be good for both of us to read this! Seriously-check out "The Secret"
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