30 Rock

Danny (r0bot): "I'm Jack Baker, so guess there's two Jacks here now."

Jack: "No, I don't think there are. Welcome aboooaaard, Danny."

Danny: "Did he just change my name?"

Pete: "Learn as little as you can, cause when you know things, people want you to do things. That's why when someone comes to me with something I don't want to deal with, I say "Oh no my kid's sick." -I always tell Erik he does this. He pretends he doesn't know anything and gets out of whole lot because it's easier for me to do it than explain everything to him.

Jack's signature arm gesture for Liz. -seriously rewind this and watch it again.

Jena: "Our t-shirts are wrong (Solvers, The Problem). Do you want to switch our t-shirts or switch where we're standing?

Tracy: "Just to be safe, let's do both."

Vampire Diaries

Elena, you stupid biotch, way to push Stefan away. Now he's gone forever.