Goodbye Kuma

We had a horrible night. We returned home from our trip to Seattle, I went to pick up Kire from my mom's and Erik had a football meeting. Some time in between us running around our dog Kuma ran out the front door, which he always does. I ran outside and called after him, but he wouldn't come, so I went back inside and put Jack to bed and forgot about him. As I am setting Jack in his crib at about 8:30 pm I hear a knock at the door. It's a young guy from our ward and he thinks he's hit our dog.

I tell Kire to stay home and run outside. Kuma couldn't move his back legs and was having a hard time breathing. The poor kid had tears in his eyes and was asking what he could do. I just patted him on the shoulder and told him I was sorry and that it was my fault not his and to go home. I carried Kuma inside and started crying. Kire followed me in sobbing saying he didn't want Kuma to die and that we need to take him to the doctor. Erik was gone, but returned just as I was loading up the kids. We took Kuma to the emergency vet who took an x-ray and told us he was paralized. While Erik was waiting form some tests I sat in the car with Kire. He kept telling me not to be sad and that Kuma was ok. We talked about heaven and tried to prepare him for what was to come.

We said goodbye to Kuma and will have to burry him tomorrow. I am so sad, mostly for Kire because he loved his dog. He was a good dog. He was playful and didn't get too mad at Kire when he shot nerf bullets at him or chased him with swords.

I feel sick about this because I shouldn't have let him run outside. And I'm sick that I feel a little bit relieved because he was such a pain in the ass sometimes. I'm sick with guilt because I'm thinking of how Kuma won't bark and wake up Jack or pee on the side of the couch or scratch to come inside. But mostly I'm sad and we'll miss him terribly.